i have two older half sisters, who are my dad's children from his first wife, and one older sister, and an older brother that are my mom's children on her first spouse, and a younger brother whose i have conflicts due to different preferences. My three sisters have already living with their own family. My older brother is special that we never had a chance to be introduce to each other.. because he was living on his dad's family...
growing up... i was not that loved by my parents i think... because as far as i remember... my mom wasn't that good to me.. all i could remember was a sadistic treatment from her... with a very small childish way, im receiving a torture from her. I never had a bonding moments with her... I don't know... maybe that is why im used of disobeying her nowadays... when it comes to papa, i think, we are not that close kasi he is always abroad.. and we only see each other once a year... and hindi din sia ganun kasaya to have me as his child kasi.. they can already see my differences from other boys from the neighborhood..
when i was in elementary, people saw strange things on me. That im receiving negative responses.. pero still nilalabanan ko yung mga pangit na naririnig ko about me... I started joining children choir in a church when i was in 3rd grade... Everyday na ginawa ni god, school-bahay-simbahan ang rotation ko.. i thought sa simbahan makakakita ako ng acceptance because i thought people there are not prejudice. But sa church ko na feel yung worst discrimination and bad things about who i am... even mahirap nilabanan ko kasi, on a very young mind nasasaktan nako... But it doesn't made me think na lumayo sa faith ko kay god...
When I graduated elementary, dun ko na realized that i need to go on a drastic change... i will be who i am, kahit ano pa ang sabihin sa akin ng ibang tao... the hell they care? I went to RTU in Mandaluyong for my first year in hs.. a semi-private school.. two sections lang kami... and ung mga classmates ko my mga hinahawakang honors from elementary... unlike me wala just a simple student... pero hindi ako nag patalo to them... i just discover meron pala akong golden voice... that made me known to the high school dept. and naging ticket din un to have good friends... first year ko din nafeel ung different feeling na ang sarap sapakiramdam... ung tipong kinikilig ka and you're just like flying... kaso di naging maganda ung outcome... of course, im the the middle of transistion, of blooming... nasobrahan ata ako sa pagbabago... I started playing sports like badminton,.. and this a very memorable thing... i joined CAT.. tipong naka tuck in / close neck ung polo mo, magsa salute sa officers mo sa hallway, pagupitan ka ng 3x5, paglaruan ka pag trip ng officers mo... got through that kasi nagustohan ko talaga sia... exciting and i made buddies out of that... kaso unfortunately, i was debarred from the school,.. so i transferred to JRU, also in Mandaluyong, nung lumipat ako dun... first day nasa gate lang ako... because total stranger talaga ako that time... pero luckily my nakita akong kakilala na naghatid sa akin sa room ko... hindi ganun kaganda ung 2nd year of my hs life.. super different personalities ung mga nakakasalamuha ko... then nung 3rd year was my favorite year... kasi halos buong klase friend ko.. yun nga lang you can never avoid issues... parang i was not welcome with one of the groups inside the class kasi I was so makasarili to take one of their friend away from them... napagkaisahan ako... imagine isang group sila, pero fortunately, isang angel ang nagyaya at nag welcome sa akin on their group.. mas malaki ung group nila pero super bonded.. and hospitable sila... no issues, no drama lahat masaya... till ung time na lumipat kami sa pasig because of some family matters... i left all my friends in mandaluyong to start a new life in pasig.. that time din.. hindi na ako nakapag enroll.. i thought i will be graduating with them.. till after a year of rebellion... ung long haired, very rugged type outfit, piercing all over my body, silent war with my parents... and different trip sa buhay.. in short close to destroying my future ung ginawa ko.. until... my dad almost died because of a decease, stress... dun ko na realized I was way too much... I faced the mirror and saw this disgusting person in front of me.. then nag flash back ung memories 3years ago... I was this strong, unbreakable person... and that moment i felt miserable... I prayed and ask for forgiveness and guidance... lumiwanag ung bahay kasi with a simple call from my tita... magkaka work na daw ulit si papa... that time he already surpassed ung pagkaka ospital nia... bumalik ako ulit ng school para tapusin ang high school ko... when i got back wala na kong kilala ulit parang i started all over again... new faces, different personality na pakikisamahan ko nanaman... ung dating strong and unbreakable adonis became weak at soft-hearten... dahil sa experiences past one year... 4th year na ko din inikot ung mundo ko sa isang tao... no commitment between us pero we made it work until nag sawa ata sia... that made me broke into pieces... pero i was catch ng isang tao... but i didn't gave back that enough... so lumayo din sia... then i graduated high school...
University of the East lang ang pinasukan kong school never tried to take examinations to other schools kasi sabi nung friend kong angel i mentioned earlier.. dun daw ako mag college para magkasama ulit kami... ung angel na un girl and until now we see each other parin pero not that often... tapos she stopped.... nag work na sia agad... then nung first year... i told myself, I should put order in my life... kasi im on the serious side na eh.. im starting to mold my future.. so bahay-school lang ako nung first year... nag karoon ng mga friends na until now kasama ko pa din... graduate na sila.. pero i hope maging loyal pa din kami sa isa't isa.. especially ung two girls im treating as my sisters... college din i decided to start being active on organizations, events and activities...
first stop, UE pep squad... actually, trip lang ang pag sali ko dun... kasi ever since high school, never ako nagsuot ng P.E. uniform.. sumasayaw lang ako or kumakanta sa isang event para makapasa sa P.E... pero different in college... sumali ako ng pep squad para makaligtas sa pag susuot ng P.E. uniform and ayoko din ng P.E. ko... physical fitness... aun... hindi ako ganun kaactive on my first sem sa pep.. i just attend games in araneta, or anywhere.. but hindi ganun ka fully dedicated sa training.. kasi i don't want to bring extra shirts every MWF.. since my travel is very stressful.. then after one sem aun... i made a lot of friends from different colleges.. 2nd sem of 2006-2007.. wala pa din akong balak mag PE uniform... nalaman ko na wala naman training ng 2nd sem and credited ulit ang PE ko na arnis.. so i went to our coach for his signature... so ligtas nanaman ako on wearing PE uniform... then some of my friends told me na magsummer training daw ako... tinamad ako,.. nung pasukan ng 1st sem, 2nd year, 2007-2008... nagbalak na akong mag PE uniform... pero ung co-captain ng squadcomm dati na co-college ko pala and now professor na sia sa ccss, inapproach ako to go on training kasi nga, they are needing of many squadcomm ulit.. and he also told me if mag training ako, i will be a senior na and makakapag utos na ko sa mga bago.. being a senior gives you many privileges.. kaya i did not hesitate... and i remember na weight training ung PE ko that time.. sa payat ko.. magbubuhat ako ng bakal..? no way!... so i go on training, i had special training sa mga nagsummer kasi bago almost all of the steps.. then nakuha ko agad ung mga steps tapos ako naman ung nagtuturo... nalaman ko na meron palang chance makapagsayaw ang squadcomm sa half time ng game... hindi kasi ako umaattend ng training dati eh... so nung sinabihan kami that our coach will choose 25 squadcomm out of 60++ to perform in half time.. we got ready for the audition.. my tinurong steps samin.. sobrang simple sia.. until malaman namin na 50 pala ang magpeperform... so halos lahat kami makakasayaw.. then ung tinuturo pala samin eh un na pala ung ipeperform.. first performance sa cuneta astrodome grabe, ecstatic ang feeling super... daming tao... super liwanag ng court... basta sobrang sarap ng feeling... tapos.. nagustuhan daw ng management ung performance.. first time daw gawin ung sa half time.. then next perfomance araneta coliseum... bigger venue.. medyo nainis ako kasi naiba ung pwesto ko... nilagay ako sa gilid.. kasi gitna ako last time.. so medyo naisip ko hindi nako mapapansin.. but.. im very lucky kasi i was focused by the camera and seen on TV.. kinabukasan... pagpasok ko sa room kasi sunday ung performance... when i entered the room.. most of my classmates were smiling at me.. then pag upo ko sa chair ko... someone asked me... pep squad ka pala? nakita kita sa TV kahapon... I almost jump when i heard that.. then my friends were very happy for me that time... I thought tapos na yung pagpeperform ko... hindi pa pala... after nung second performance... aun na ung auditions for next na sayaw sa araneta... they thought us new steps, mas complicated mas mabilis ung mga steps.. nung audition time na, by 5 kami pinasasayaw ng coach namin.. i felt tension around me that time kasi halos wala pang napipili ung coach namin then... unfortunately.. hindi ako napili... sad but still training pa din ako, i didn't make that as an excuse to give up... so after ng sumayaw ng mga napili.. next training, nagpa - audition nanaman ung coach namin.. there napili nako, dun na nagstart ung pangangareer ko bilang member ng pep squad.. they trained me magbuhat ng girls, almost lahat pinatry sakin buhatin, maging flexible, super hirap, tinuruan mag tumbling at kung anu anu pa,... nakadalawang performance pako sa araneta coliseum before matapos ung UAAP season... then 2nd sem 2007-2008, na kadalasang walang training eh nagkatraining, its because half ng performers will be graduating and hindi nakapag enroll, so mamimili daw samin before mag end or sa summer training mamimili ng mapo promote sa performer.. (sila ung lumalaban sa UAAP cheerdance competition) while training, nagpatawag ng meeting ung coach namin, for some announcements, he will be leaving the squad para mag coach ng volleyball team ng high school,.. and by summer dadating na ung new coach.. then hinanap nia ung captain ng squadcomm, na co-college ko pala na ngaun ay professor na sa ccss,.. wala sia, his was not training that time because of his thesis,.. sabi ng coach namin na ako muna maging OIC ng squadcomm while our captain is not around... then training training,.. summer 2008,.. hindi pa din bumalik ung captain namin... before our coach leaved the squad totally he introduced us our new coach... lahat negative ung naging reaction about the new coach.. since we all know the word plastic un nalang ginawa namin.. then nag assign na ng captains ung coach namin bago siya umalis, ung girl na since hs pep na ang naging captain ng performers, ung guy from BA ang naging captain ng drummers and ako na naging captain ng squadcomm...
Summer training 2008 super hirap.. i got sick pa nga because of the training...eh that time nag charity work ako sa admission office ng school so sobrang stress talaga.. before summer training end, nag pa audition ung choreographer namin.. and sia muna nag act as coach na din kasi ung new coach namin eh nagbakasyon sa province... 18 kami nag audition lahat... nakakalungkot na part, 13 ang kinuha, 5 kami natira and ung apat nung summer training lang dumating as in lahat sila bago.. ung mga kasabayan ko, performers na.. nag iyakan pa kami kasi naiwan nga ako... so kinausap ako nung choreo namin sabi nia: "hindi muna kita kukunin ngaun, kasi walang maghahawak sa squadcomm next sem, pero sabhin mo kay mam(new coach namin) pagdating nia, bigyan ka ng scholarship... okay?"... pampalubag loob pero ang sama sama parin ng pakiramdam ko that time..
the next sem, 1st sem2008-2009, captain na ko ng squadcomm ulit, im training ung mga bagong pasok sa pep squad... nung dumating na ung bagong coach namin.. I approached her, na maam ako po ung captain ng squadcomm and sabi po ni choreographer na my slot daw po ako sa scholarship, out of no where... nag hesterical siya at sinigawan ako na: "umalis ka nga muna, saka na yang scholarship, scholarship na yan!".. i was shocked kasi I approached her ng maayos pero, she acted that way... so inintindi ko na lang.. baka madami siang kailangang gawin... after a week, bumalik ung dati naming captain, mag training daw sia ulit, then he approached our coach, sabi nia sia daw ung dating captain, questionable thing she did, pinayagan niya ung dating captain namin na maging capatain ulit ng squadcomm,.. what the hell?? how in this world..? im the new captain, pinakilala pa kami sa kanya ng dati naming coach bago un umalis.. anu ba siya? stupid? wala din akong nagawa kasi Im respecting our former captain since we are close friends naman... then a after a week again, i saw some performers na nag aayos ng papers nila for their scholarship, so I approached our coach again kung my slot ba talaga sakin.. very bad thing na nalaman ko.. walang slot para sakin kasi she gave that to one drummer na kakilala niya.. I was so pissed and furious because sa nalaman ko... Then I decided, I will just finish the season tapos I will be quitting the squad... bago ako umalis, nag perform pa ako ng dalawa.. after nun... bye bye UE pep squad...
habang nasa pep squad pa ko dati, active committee na din ako ng COMSSO 2nd sem of 2007-2008...
Next Stop, Computer Students Society, bilang committee that time.. medyo hindi naman stressful ung ginagawa, utusan lang naman ako nun, super malayo sa pagiging captain ng squadcomm, sa pep ako nag uutos, sa COMSSO ako ang inuutusan.. pa print ng ganyan, sumama mag promote ng ganito, gupitin yan, idikit to... simple things kaya okay lang naman sakin... naging busy lang naman ako sa COMSSO nung COMSSOLYPICS 2008... tapos after nun, wala na... grabe nung pumasok ako dun.. super accomodating halos lahat ng officers, sila ate ganto, ate ganyan, kuya ganto, kuya ganyan... minsan pa nga.. pag walang ginagawa sa office, nagkakantahan kami with matching guitar at beat box... tapos ino orient na din ako sa up coming year ko kasi mahirap na pagdating ko ng 3rd year... tapos kapag bibili ng food super isasali nila ako sa sharing... i felt so welcome that time... nung summer 2008... meron silang tinatawag na LIFT (Leadership In Focused Training)... ung head adviser ng COMSSO at ung mga aalis ng officers sinabihan ako to go on LIFT.. I said yes, kaso im having charity work sa admission's office and im training sa pep squad na nagkasakit ako... hindi na ako tumuloy... nakakahinayang nga eh... pero 1st sem of 2008-2009.. naging part pa din ako ng org as committee ulit... pero dahil sa ilang bagong officers na hindi ko trip ang pag uugali... naging inactive ako sa org...
2nd sem 2008-2009.. bumalik ako ng COMSSO pero hindi pa din ganun ka active, since umayaw nako ng pep squad... I focused on my studies and my friends... after ng sem.. after 2 sems na lagi ng drop and 5 na grade...wala akong grade na W, D, 5, 3, 2.75 at 2.5... naglaro ung grades ko ng 1.75-2.25.... nakakatuwa...
Summer 2009... nag decide na akong magpa LIFT sa COMSSO, since ung ibang mga friends ko magpapalift din.. sobrang saya... ung LIFT namin super saya... ung blog ko about LIFT 2009 post ko some other day nalang... two days in row ko na kasi sinusulat itong first blog ko here sa OJT ko... medyo light lang naman ung work.. kaya nakakapag blog pa ako... anyway, Naging AVP for Outreach ako... but that is not the position i wanted... I applied for creative arts.. since dun ako naka under when I was a committee... tapos second choice ko was sports.. since Im a very athletic type of person kaya second choice ko un... eh nung interview ko with kuya.. nasabi ko na minsan sumasama ako kay mama sa mga outreach nila sa DSWD.. kasi she is a volunteer there... tapos why apply daw for outreach position... so yun nga ung 3rd choice ko.. eh nung LIFT.. super interview sila sa creativity ko... then nung announcement na ng position sa Jolibee.. nagulat ako na AVP for Outreach ng position ko.. Pero aus lang contento na ko.. any position na will do...
1st sem 2009-2010; ayan na start na ng school year and we need to introduce COMSSO to the new students of CCSS since kami lang naman ang org sa ccss.. hay i hate promoting, energy drainer ung task and nababastos ka pa ng ibang students... aun we conducted our membership registration... tapos.. i remembered pala when we put a booth on ccss lobby, and nagbabantay ako.. ung coach namin saw me and called me.. sabi nia: "bakit di ka na nagtraining? magtraining ka.. walang hahawak sa squadcomm ngayon.." medyo nainis ako sa sinabi niya.. sinabi ko nalang.. "maam, my bago na akong pinagkakaabalahan at buhay ngayon..." i think she was shocked by my response kaya alis nalang sia agad.. na hold ang buong organization... until now i don't know what really happened... but all i know, dean held us because of questionable paper that was passed to him.. i wonder what was that paper all about?.. (innocent mode)
2nd sem 2009-2010; whow... last sem, medyo roller coaster of emotions.. next blog ko nalang isusulat.. kung anu ung stories na un.. medyo nag level up ung roller coaster these semester kasi.. COMSSO is operating again.. yes... last sem palang meron na akong mga, i think 2 proposals for my outreach, since na hold nga kami ngaung sem ko gagawin... pero things changes, december and naisip ko na conduct an outreach na mamimigay kami ng noche buena package worth 500 pesos for 5 unfortunate family around sampaloc or quiapo,.. kaso hindi inapproved ng finance.. kasi masyado daw mahal.. for me, when you are helping, i dont think of how much you spend, especially we have enough funds, and its season of giving... and my issue pa na if maglalabas ng budget, dapat my babalik... damn! we are not doing business here.. we are helping.. so don't expect anything in return.. even thank you or smile.. the impotant thing is to give... so walang outreach.. yung matagal ko ng balak na mag tree planting siguro next year nalang since we are developing our software for our thesis... unfortunately nag drop kami.. another blog ko ikukwento ung story behind that,.. aun nga.. january, medyo quiet pa din ako.. ung roller coaster kasi still moving.. so february2010 ang pinakahihintay kong month... next blog ulit sia.. about the Mr. and Ms. CCSS 2010... feb. quiet pa din ako.. kasi nga i was organizing the pageant.. pero ayoko naman maging useless officer ng comsso kaya ung ibang kailangang ayusin sa pag hahanda para sa IT week ginawa ko... promotions, pagsama sa pagbili ng ganitong mga gamit, pag checker ng red team, pag inquire and pagpapareserve ng marikina sports complex.. pero kailangan talaga magka outreach.. so I passed my proposal to dean with the signatures needed.. pero it was dumped by the dean.. why kasi wrong timing daw, el nino and patong patong na daw ang activities ng comsso.. okay.. i focused on organizing the Mr. and Ms. CCSS pagant.. but the roller coaster is still ranging.. pero hindi ko ung pinansin.. fulfilling sa pakiramdam na my works were appreciated.. after ng IT week.. maybe this is the time para matuloy na ung tree planting ko na last year ko pa gustong gawin... so no matter what dean says, ipapasa ko pa din ung proposal ko sa kanya, okay pa naman ung calendar of activities namin next week pa ung ban period.. so maihahabol ko pa ung tree planting.. ipinaliwanag ko kay dean kung bakit walang kinalaman ang el nino sa pagtatanim namin.. dahil ung mga small plants na itatanim namin will be in a nusery for six months to 1 year... bago sila ilipat sa mismong place or natural environment so extensive silang aalagaan.. kaya napapayag ko na si dean... takbo ako kaagad sa SAO (students affairs office) para mapapirmahan sa director nun.. pero, pagdating na pagdating ko sa SAO.. ung coordinator dun told me na wala ng pinapayagang proposals because, last week pa pala ang ban period.. i was shocked talaga kasi in our calendar next week pa ung ban period... I can't argue with him kasi his on a higher office... All I did was, went back to our office, depressed, long faced, and totally sad... kasi next school year ko nanaman sia magagawa... and I failed myself... I cried hard sa office kasi, I really felt bad... I felt so useless... pero my mga true friends uplifting me.. salamat to them... tapos natapos ung school year ng maayos, ni resolved lahat ng issues, nakapagpatawaran na.. and the roller coaster of emotions, retired...
Im looking forward for my last year in college next school year... I don't know what is instore for me.. but Im ready for anything... the strong and unbreakable adonis dati bumabalik unti unti.. and my dumagdag... Stronger, more Unbreakable, and Braver adonis next year...
